Saint and Sanctuary
by The Erudite
Summary: After the war is ended, Zeke and Tatiana still have a lot of living left to do, and Zeke in particular has to adjust to living life off the battlefield. He hopes to better understand himself and his purpose with Tatiana by his side. A Secret Santa fic for Mark-Kris Robin Lancer. Fluff.


The air in the darkened room was cold and dry, not unlike the ice it blew across in long streaks before sweeping and curling into the room. A fire crackled irregularly in an adjacent room. Zeke could hear it popping and hissing, the sound, while usually comfortable, grating at him after a while. His hands tightly gripped the edge of the bed as he thought. It was a spongy mattress laid out over rigid boards that made his back stiff in the mornings, but he would never dream of complaining about it.

In the next room, he could hear his beloved humming away. The sweet musicality of her voice was already a greater comfort to him than any fire could ever be, however warm. He thought it inappropriate to keep her waiting, and lifted himself from the bed. At once, he heard her stop working. His stature meant that there was absolutely no disguising his movements in this house, whose floors and walls and every bit of furniture squeaked and groaned wildly when the slightest pressure was applied to them.

He took a few loud footsteps between rooms and found himself staring at her back. Her long, white dress swished to either side along with her turquoise hair as she worked, pretending not to hear him approach. When he came close, she whipped her head around and smiled at him. "Hello, dear. I thought you were taking a nap."

"I was. I think I've had my fill, now," he answered. "What is it you're working at so assiduously in here?"

She turned around and lowered her shoulder to let him see. Scraps of fabric and stray needles lay strewn about the table. "Now that the temperatures are climbing, the head priest at the priory has suggested that we make clothes for the homeless and destitute, to be distributed when they fall again."

"A very charitable prospect," Zeke responded, "May I be of some help?"

She smiled at him and let out a giggle that stirred his heart. She grabbed his hand rather forcefully and separated his fingers with her own. "Hands like these aren't meant for wielding needles, dear. You might be able to spear a bear from fifty feet, but I imagine it'd take you hours to fit a thread through something so tiny."

Noticing how diminutive her hand looked resting in his palm, he couldn't help but agree. "You may be right about that."

"Besides," she went on, "surely the former general and war hero has more important uses for his time."

"Nothing could be a more important use of my time than spending it with you," he said, sliding his thumb gently over her hand as she left it resting in his. He could feel her knuckles twitch against his skin.

"You don't need to wax romantic with me, Zeke," she said, an affectionate smile still warming her face, "I'm already in love with you."

"And yet I still do not feel the sentiment adequately recompensed. If I could love you for a thousand lives, Tatiana, I should not think my debt to you repaid."

She listened and laughed, then pressed her face into him, her laughter still rippling through his clothes. "Gods, but you're a strange one, Zeke! You certainly know how to talk to a lady, but, really, you must realize we aren't in some classical portrait. There's no need for such grandiose expressions when it's only the two of us."

"Grandiose?" he repeated, eyebrows shifting a bit, "Is that how you would describe it?"

"I don't mean to put you down," she assured him, placing a hand on his chest, "Your bearing and gallantry are some of the things I love about you—you're a knight to the very core! But, sometimes, well… How do I say this? I wouldn't mind if you were a little less chivalrous."

"My apologies," he said, lowering his head, "I must endeavor to forget the posturing usually associated with my station when I—"

"This is what I'm talking about, Zeke."

"Eh? Then, er… what would you have me do?"

"Try saying 'Good afternoon, Tatiana, my love.'"

"Good afternoon, Tatiana, my love."

"Better," she assured him, "Now, embrace me gently from behind and we'll be getting somewhere."

He wrapped his arms around her waist slowly. She leaned back and let her head rest against him. The warm, firm sensation made her feel like she could stay there for hours. For the moment, she drank in the air with a long inhale.

The exact nature of their romance was still a bit of a mystery to Zeke. Much was a mystery to Zeke, having lost his memory, but this, in particular, was a strange sensation to him. He had tucked away somewhere in a deep corner of his mind a model of behavior for women he had feelings for, but Tatiana didn't quite seem to fit the model. In the brief time he had spent in Rudolf's court, he had seen many a noble courtship, and all the fine words and expressions that passed between the doting couples, but none of them met his own circumstances.

At first, he hadn't even realized that it was Tatiana who had engaged the relationship—he thought his continued presence in her home was a result of his taking advantage of her generosity, but he eventually learned that wasn't the case. She would bring him hot drinks—coffee or tea—in the morning, and tell him about her youthful misadventures in the priory. She told long and intricate stories about her mother and father that ultimately went nowhere, and yet she ended them all with an expectant smile. It was almost as if she were trying to fill the void in his memory with experiences from her own past.

Even when it was clear they had become romantically involved, she kept a strange distance from him, never entering the room she had granted him without his permission and bringing him meals even when he remained locked away for days at a time. He thought perhaps he had misjudged their circumstances—that he was only the object of a girl's curiosity, but he had grown to see her as far more mature than that. Slowly, she would go on lingering with him, sometimes sitting in his room until the dark of night had faded into the creeping light of dawn, and then she would hop right back to her life as if nothing had happened.

"It's a strange world we're living in now." Tatiana's voice snapped him out of his reverie. "I mean, I said 'gods' a moment ago, but… and then, it just seems wrong for you to be back to living out here with me, instead of in a castle."

"No castle holds any interest for me when it bears not the promise of returning joyfully to you, darling. I have the utmost faith that King Alm will build the new world Emperor Rudolf imagined well enough without us."

"There you go again! Ah, well, it's nice, I suppose."

"I beg your pardon. I'm not used to speaking in a manner that doesn't reflect some royal parlance."

"I noticed. It's quite all right, though. Every time I hear it, I'm reminded of the letters you wrote me."

Zeke stroked back a bit of his hair as it fell onto his face. "Heh. Don't remind me of my sorry attempts to put emotions onto paper. I can barely put them properly into words as it stands."

"Ah, but I like that about them," Tatiana told him, beaming a smile, "they're very… 'you,' you know?"

"I'm afraid I don't."

"I mean I could hear your voice clearly through them even when you weren't here."

"I see. I hope they gave you some comfort in my absence. My life already seems so different from the days when I served Emperor Rudolf."

Tatiana hummed affirmatively. "That's what I was saying before. Now there's the news of pirates and stirrings near Archanea…"

Zeke started and turned away from her, placing his palm against his temple.

"Sorry, did I say something strange?"

"No," he told her, "forgive me my outburst. I have the sense that my past life bears some connection to that foreign land. I've heard travelers from there remark that my dress is reminiscent of the stylings of knights from some Archanean kingdom, and then there were those pegasus-riding sisters who aided Lady Celica in our conflict… They never said anything to me, but I could see the cautious stares they threw my way, searching my eyes for an answer I couldn't provide."

"Of course," said Tatiana, frowning, "I should know by now how it grieves you to be reminded of your past."

They both lingered in silence for a moment.

"I've forgotten myself as well," Zeke said, breaking the silence, "I know my past isn't your favorite subject, either."

"You don't need to worry about it so much." Tatiana's eyes were shifted away from her lover. "I realize that your identity is important to you."

She was surprised when his hand brushed her cheek. "We've been down this road once before, but allow me to reaffirm my vow to you: no element of my past could ever diminish the affection I now feel for you. Our love placed us together in the face of the very gods themselves, and our bond was strengthened, not strained. Let that be the proof that my devotion shall never waver."

She bent her head to him. Her voice bore a humorous lilt. "You're right. I can't doubt for a minute words like those."

"That said… How would you feel if I were to venture out there one day?"

"That's quite the shift in tone, love."

"I beg your pardon—"

"I'm only kidding… sort of. If you were to travel to Archanea, I suppose I'd like to go with you. Maybe if only to keep an eye on you."

"Out of the question."

"Huh?"

"If my conjecture is not entirely unfounded, it may be that I also have enemies in that land. In that case, I couldn't bear the thought of endangering you again purely for the sake of satisfying my curiosity."

"Your gallantry takes many strange forms, dear. You don't think I should fear for your heart wandering, but you admit the possibility that you could be attacked and tell me to stay away."

"I suppose I've never been remarkably successful at convincing you against something you were interested in doing," he said, scratching his neck, "Although, I suppose I've also never really needed to."

Tatiana let out a long sigh. "I don't want to intrude on your affairs, Zeke. That's why I tried not to be bothered when you were away serving Emperor Rudolf. I realized that's what was best for you at the time. Now, though, I'd much prefer it if I didn't have to while away the days waiting for the moment when you return."

"Was it truly such a burden…?"

"But," she went on, ignoring him, "if I'm going to love you, I have to be willing to bear with the fact that sometimes you'll have personal exploits that I can't be a part of. If staying here while waiting for you to come back from an adventure in Archanea is what I have to do to continue loving you, then I'll accept it without hesitation. I guess that's what I get for loving the greatest knight in the world."

"Your words flatter me beyond measure, my sweet," Zeke replied, "And I appreciate your dedication… I am curious about something, though: you refer to me as a knight rather frequently, despite the fact that I've never truly held that title. At least, not in my time with you. Why is that?"

"Eh? Oh, nothing," she said, moving to return to her work, "Captain, general, knight, soldier—all those distinctions don't mean much to a simple woman of the cloth such as myself."

"I don't believe it for a moment," said her beloved, "In all our time together, I've never known you to be willfully ignorant of matters important to either of us. Could it be there's something significant to you about my being a knight?"

"Really, you're reading too much into it."

He placed his hand on her shoulder and peered over it as she went on working and consciously disregarding him. "On the contrary, I think I've hit upon something, here. Come, darling, if there's something I can do to be a better vessel for your love, you need only breathe the words."

"Oh, Zeke," she sighed, "you're really too much." She faced him again and her hands came together, fingers fidgeting idly. "See, since the day I dredged you out from those waters, I always fancied you a sort of… well… do you read much poetry, or literature in general?"

"I can't say I had much time in between my military duties."

"Well, there's a certain common romantic theme in many stories and poems, about a handsome knight relinquishing his vaunted station to be with an unbelievably beautiful woman of common birth. Maybe you'll think it silly, but I always imagined—"

"Ah!" Zeke started. There was an appreciative smile on his face, and his eyes shone with the excitement of deduction. "Now I see. That was why you enclosed that poem in your letter. Such painterly language, and the man taking the woman to the theater… it all seems so remarkably clear now. And all along I've been ignorant of something so dear to you. Can you forgive me, dear?"

"Don't be silly, Zeke," she said, "Of course I can. I'm not all that bothered by—"

"Will you allow me an opportunity to make up for some of my foolishness?"

"Hm? What do you mean, exactly?"

"Tatiana," he said in an elevated tone, and bent down a bit, offering his hand, "would you care to ride with me?"

"Ride with you?" She took the words in slowly. "Like, on your horse?"

"Naturally. Isn't that something one of your knights would do?"

"It is…" she said tentatively. After a moment, she took the hand and smiled at him. "All right, let's be off!"

The air outside their home wasn't nearly as warm and comfortable as the little atmosphere that even the meager fire provided. Even in the warmer parts of the year, the norther territories of what had previously been the Rigelian Empire retained a stubborn commitment to keeping temperatures low and steel-gray clouds in the sky. The sting of cold was somewhat refreshing for them both, however. And, of course, it took only a moment for Zeke to offer his beloved his coat, which she accepted gladly. It glowed with the heat of his body as she wrapped it around herself.

For the first minute or two of the trip, they were silent. Tatiana listened as Zeke used a stern voice to command his steed, the likes of which she'd only ever heard in battle. It was funny to her that so many in the Rigelian army—and likely even more of his foes—had only heard that tone from him, and considered him a powerful force to be avoided at all costs. They had never heard the way he spoke lowly and gently when they were close together, or the passion burning in his voice when he spoke of Emperor Rudolf's efforts, and what he meant for the whole of Valentia. They never saw him animatedly flipping around pots and pans as he worked to prepare a meal, or stooping in the street to fill a beggar's cup with coins, or lifting a burden from an old woman's shoulders. To them, he was a cold and cutting general, veiled in sable armor, but to her, he was a lover, of country, of ideals, and, naturally, of her.

She was so caught up in this train of thought that she barely noticed the scenery blurring by her, hearing only the beat of the horse's hooves as they sped along. Suddenly, she noticed Zeke glancing over his shoulder at her. He wore a smile that wasn't long, but was very knowing. "Is this to your liking? Or would you prefer a brisker pace?" he asked.

Tatiana became aware of her surroundings again and felt hooves gently pounding on the sod below, bucking the hips up underneath her. She saw small farmhouses and cottages with smoke pouring out of them in thin wisps drifting lazily by. She tasted a vaguely sweet crispness in the air, electrifying her and leading her to make her decision. "Yes, faster!" she commanded, placing her hands on Zeke's back to encourage him.

"Right away," he said with a cordiality that sounded exceptionally warm to her. He spurred the horse on with another firm shout. In no time, the beast picked up its pace, and its rider leaned forward to account for the increase in wind resistance. Tatiana, not knowing to account for this difference, felt herself sliding back, and groped feverishly at Zeke's armor to avoid being flung off the horse. He realized what had happened quickly and extended his arm so that she had something solid to grab onto. When she was more comfortable, he urged her to wrap her arms around him, just above his waist. "Stay near me, and trust in me," said Zeke, continuing to project the confidence that Tatiana adored, "and we will never falter."

She did so, and the ocean of grass interspersed with masonry that spread out before them seemed to melt away into a long streak—a few brushstrokes on a massive canvas, the end of which she never desired to see. She felt herself giggle with delight, and warmth overcame her every time Zeke glanced over his shoulder to ensure that she was still enjoying herself. Hours passed in minutes as she clung to her beloved's back, and he raced through the fields with no object in his mind but to continue to see her with that unrestrained felicity on her face. They were absolutely enamored with one another, and that became exceedingly clear to all of the many onlookers who watched a decorated general speed across the countryside with a girl in white clinging to him and laughing until her voice grew hoarse.

Their ride continued for some time, until the blues and greens of daylight had dissolved into varying shades of orange, and a violet-red sky warned them of the oncoming evening. At Tatiana's request, Zeke brought them to a stop in a small village, tying up their faithful traveling companion near a little ale house. He dismounted first, and then let Tatiana hop into his arms to be lowered down.

They entered the establishment, receiving several stares, but some of the men recognized Zeke and his status as a former general of Rigel's army, so they kept their distance and continued to drink quietly. When the couple had seated themselves, a barmaid placed a tankard in front of Zeke that frothed to the point of nearly spilling out, and a glass of dark red wine before Tatiana. She sipped the drink delicately, feeling the bittersweet sensation hit her nostrils before it entered her throat. She looked over at Zeke to see him taking a gulp from his drink as well and wiping his mouth as he set the tankard down.

"I didn't take you for much of a drinker," she said, noticing how much lower the liquid now sat in the tankard.

"I'm not, but one must use all means available to survive when serving the military, especially in times of famine. Wheat and barley still grow well enough even in the harshest climates," he replied.

"I see," she said, lowering her face a little, "times have been hard for everyone…"

"Plus, some soldiers will only think you worth your salt if you down a whole gallon of the stuff. I must be prepared to meet all the needs of my position in leadership. Or, rather, I _had_ to be prepared, when that was still my chief duty," he went on.

This amused Tatiana a little, and she felt as if he were inviting her. "And now?"

"Hm?"

"What's your chief duty now?"

"Please," he said with a smile, taking her hand into his own, "I'm looking right at it."

Pleased with that answer, Tatiana planted a kiss on his lips. They broke it quickly, so as not to scandalize themselves in front of these small-country folk, but they both understood one another's feelings entirely.

"Now, a small question for you, if you'll have it," Zeke continued.

"Of course."

"It's something I've been meaning to ask for some time, but I've never had the chance for a proper answer. Given recent circumstances, I might never get an answer if I don't ask someone soon, and then this question will linger in my mind forever."

Tatiana's mind raced. They had spent so much time together, and shared many an intimate conversation, to say nothing of the times when more than just their conversation had been intimate. What could possibly be on his mind that he thought might distress her? "Go ahead," she prompted him.

He summoned his breath. "Why 'Zeke?'"

She blinked at him a few times, seemingly still anticipating the question. "What?"

"My name. Why do you suppose Emperor Rudolf chose it? 'Ezekiel'… I wonder if he meant to name one of his sons that…"

"I think I have an idea."

"Truly?"

"Yes, although this is just speculation, of course. See, in the ancient languages of Valentia, the name Ezekiel stems from a title meaning 'he who strengthens us.' There's an old story about a priest of the Duma Faithful who received that title when he prayed to Duma to protect his family from enemy soldiers who were ravaging his homeland. Duma supposedly granted him a will of iron that frightened away the marauders at a single glance, and made even the most formidable of enemies think twice about attacking him. He took part in many famous battles, and was considered a sign of righteousness and invincibility for the armies he joined."

Zeke was floored. "You really believe Emperor Rudolf though that highly of me?"

"I can't say for sure," she answered, shrugging, "sometimes names aren't so full of intent. I believe some of the other clerics have told me mine comes from the name of a patron saint of education." As she finished saying that, Tatiana scoffed, looking at herself.

"Maybe that wasn't so far off."

"How do you mean?"

"It's probably silly of me to say, but… Well, it wouldn't be inaccurate to describe my time with you as 'enlightening,' dear."

"Oh, Zeke, come now," she said dismissively.

But Zeke insisted, "No, I mean it. When everything was lost to me, you taught me about the world I inhabited, gave me a chance to get back on my feet, allowed me to find my vocation in a chain of events that led to us felling the gods of this world, and, most importantly, taught me how to feel and experience love."

"Zeke…" Tatiana wanted to mount some defense against this romantic treatment of her very name, but the sophistication and confidence of her lover's voice, tinged with that passion that she could not deny meant that her efforts were unsuccessful.

"And the best part of it all is that I'm still learning from you, my love. Every day, you teach me more about who I am, and what it means to care for and protect the people whose lives are meaningful to me. That's why I want to go on making you happy in all circumstances, and why I'm so glad you joined me for our ride today."

Tatiana felt her eyes welling up. "Zeke… I feel so indescribably rich just for having known you. You are and ever shall be my gallant knight, and the one who gives me strength."

"I love you, Tatiana," Zeke proclaimed, "from here into the thrones of gods and dragons, and all the way back again."

"I love you, too, Zeke. Wherever you wander, as long as you return to me, you'll always have a home."

They embraced, and shortly departed the ale house, riding Zeke's horse back through the frigid air of night. Tatiana fell asleep, pressing herself against her lover's back again as they rode, and so Zeke delivered her gently to her bed upon their return, and, after removing his dirtied gear, joined her. Regardless of his past, the two of them had together authored a new story that spread out into a future full of possibility and happiness for them, and he did not regret it for a moment.

A name had stuck out in his mind for a while, almost as long as the question about his own name, but now he had received his answer.

Whoever "Camus" had been was very much gone now.


End file.
